Monday, January 11, 2010

The Garden of You And Me

The length of the earth that separates root from leaf. A buried desire could run so deep.
Shadowed by branches; the frailty of you. A structure so ghostly with grayish hue.
The wind bends me closer that I might see. The changes of the season; the changes of me.
Sheltered by the limbs that grow from you. The movement of life under pastel blue.
The softness of the earth that separates you from me. A burning desire could run so deep.

Make Me Beg

'll show you what it means to crawl
what it means to need one thing only
love just leaves me hungry
I'll show you how much I can need
what it sound like when the hunger calls
curses to the thing that feeds me
leaves me
obsession binds me to such an act
I'll leave the stage in shackles
take my bow in silence
the needle comes with a body
I'll be what ever you want me to be
lover, friend or mother
I'll let you see what you want to see
just please
don't make me beg


Whenever I can feel my bones I have to close my eyes.
And I let the darkness rise from clouds that fill her mind.

The softness of a skin wrapped cage, I have to close my eyes.
And know that she is trapped in here with carnage and with flies.

Whenever I can feel my bones: a part of me denies,
that I have to close my eyes and take it deep inside.

Inside the cage; a piety where bones do not reside.
And I have to close my eyes, when she gets loose in my mind.

Touch Me

A moment of truth, the flesh does not lie to you. It tells you what you need to know; your fingertips, it's only memory. Even with your eyes closed, you always find the way.

I starve myself

I starve myself
Neither dead nor alive
just a distortion in reflective glass
this feeling soon will pass
like my skin passes through abhorrence
Body in disarray
something I can't stop looking at
does this magazine make me look fat?
or is it just that I can never please myself
Hollow is the feeling of control
hunger is the progress of will
dizzy, even when standing still
sleep is a blessing that consumes me
Feeble but able to function
maybe I'll have some bread
sipping green tea with milk instead
it's not living and it hurts
but I starve myself

The Devil Whispered

I laid in my bed and thought about hell
A thousand stars and a wishing well
And the devil whispered something sweet
"don't eat, don't eat"
And the devil whispered
this is defeat

I spit my soul, into a bowl
I thought about death
catching my breath
And the devil whispered from the door
"drink some more, drink some more"
And the devil whispered close to my ear
"nobody's here"

So the devil and I did a shot plus ten
I followed him down from the shallow end
And the devil whispered with smoke in his
"what a surprise
this is how she dies"
And the devil grinned at me through his
this is defeat


A contemptuous flicker burned in her eyes; hatred.
"monkeys!" she thought.
Six people stand in front of her, piles of things reaching
past the brims of their carts, evidence of their sluggish
overweight existence.
Madness parts the grin on her lips, "Doesn't Wal-Mart
have a gun section?" she thought.

First Touch

Like the first taste of wine on my lips;
The sun in my eyes after clouds and rain.
The prick of the needle before it enters a vein;
shocking and pleasing,
sweat beading in circles on feverish skin
Nothing post has it's power, or provokes more
It sizzles, and everything else is bland;
The first and slightest touch from your hand,
You own me.

My Gift To You

You did not feel me in your room.
I stood over your bed and watched you bloom.

I hovered so closely I could feel your breath.
I saw how you shuttered; and I saw your death.
Stealing your petals is nothing for me.
The price for your life; to set your soul free.
Habitual haunting; my presence undue.
Your chance to come haunt me, Is my gift to you.

This Night

I spent the night burying babies.
It was easy cause their bodies are so small.
My feet were bare, and the grass felt like a wet
I hear the crickets strumming their legs, and
it seems to mock the blackness of this foul night.
If I should feel something;
I know I should be crying...
but I just keep my pace.
Some of them still have faces...shapeless or crushed.
They don't seem to have tears...they don't seem to have eyes.
I should be feeling so sick...
I should have trembling hands,
But I just keep digging the holes...
and covering all my sins.

only an inch

It's constant.
This little inch of life; seemed smaller than an inch.
The skin was peeled so carefully, and all arangments made.
The horses were fetched by lamplight.
What could we do with only an inch?
I took her to see the ocean when the beaches were dirty, and the horizon was too close to the shore.
I can see her floating there; so close to the sun.
The shrieking of the gulls;
The sound of her screaming, it fades into all other sound.
If I miss her.... she really was.
Not all of us get to die, surrounded by so much to lust for.
It's true that we want to hold on to everything.
The sound of my heart breaking;
it's constant.
What could I have ever done, with only an inch.



The movement really puts me in a trance.
I think of him, because I'd like to wrap him around my fishhook.
I think he'd get me a great big catch, because his heads so fucking fat.
I want to squish him in my fist and watch all his entrails ooze out from the
creases of my knuckles.
He only deserves a can of dirt;
I don't mind digging.
You keep all your roaches and all your flies;
I like the ones without legs or spines!

Silver Thread

A pool of muted dreams...
I could only dip my toes in.

Thick molasses of a girl's secret wishes.

A blanket of time, wrapped around time, with a lining of silver thread.
That is what presents its self... as you lay with me in my bed.


Because of One

one step that wasn't taken
a beat that was skipped
one moment that no one was there to witness...
because the wind will change direction in a split second
a volcano will erupt with a fierce hunger, after a thousand years of sleep
one tiny fraction of a lifetime

because I held my breath when you kissed me...
and everything has changed


With all your bones will you drag your body out of the depths
your gills close up
and now you must learn to breathe the air.
Now you know how heavy your body is.

Now you know the sting of the sun on you bare skin.


~The Death of Peter Pan~

It wasn't the hook of a pirate that brought you to your end.
No swords that shimmer in the light of the old moon; no battles to pretend.
It wasn't a flag of defeat that was raised on your behalf...
and there was no Wendy to speak of, or kiss on the cheek from this story book lass.
The lost boys I remember, did not your funeral attend...
No fairy dust, no treasure to lust;
and alas, no foe or friend.
Goodbye little boy, we will miss you...
I'll stop at your grave when I can.
Goodbye to your fairytale ending;
and goodbye to Peter Pan.


That all things must have an ending...
let us hope for one as violent as birth.
As shocking as the first breath.
My obsession with death...
and the hunger that never ceases.

I must see an end.
And it's as fatal as it is to live without love.
The soon familiar dying breath...
the petals wilt in the sun...
and the rotting fruit is ready to bury its seed.

The Flower Opens

The journey to break through the soil was much like the birth of a human.
Someone had to plant the seed.
It had to be loved.
The womb was the Earth...
the mother was the sun.
A body was formed.
It grew against many odds.
A surface had to be broken.
the struggle to live has begun.
The little; visible light that dances across a summer wind.
The petals wake up...
the flower opens.



He shower you with complement
He love love love you
He make bride of you.
He make you feel like queen

Me cringe when read his letter
Me want to smash his face in
Me run like no tomorrow
Me want the dick no love


It's a drinking world...

...So let's go have a drink!

Want to meet for drinks?
Let's discuss it over a drink.
Can I buy you a drink?

How about a glass of wine with your meal?
We'll catch the game and have some beers!
I want to get drunk and go dancing.
It's been a hard day; you deserve a drink...
You've earned it, let's celebrate with some drinks!
Everything is better when you drink! The world is so beautiful when YOUR DRUNK!!!

Are you sure you don't want a drink?
How 'bout just one beer?
Come on... just ONE DRINK!

You're probably so bored, aren't you?
Having to be out with all your friends and not being able to drink...
not being able to connect the dots?
Connect your self with body... your heart with brain... brain with emotion... body with desire. Not being able to fondle your coping tool...
You seem so quiet... so bored... so, wishing you had a way to connect, a way to feel liquid. A way to let the world pass through you like water.
Here is your way... here is your pass to get in... your ticket to ride the rides at the carnival of escape!!!

It's a drinking world BABY...
so let's go have a drink!



And so she moved her hands away from tightly shut eyes...
and the sun made everything into blood.
All her desire turned to red;
Because the lids of her eyes were like tissue paper over a tiny flame,
and if she got just a wee bit closer...
it would burn her blind.



I used to see time as the distance between
birth and death. Within this distance being
the struggle for balance, survival, and a hide
and seek with happiness. But death really awakens
the reality of limitation none of us have the luxury
of taking for granted.
And so as others reach out for flesh in desperation
when they feel the brush of time against their consciousness; wearing away against a measure
of fate and faith...
I reach out for understanding.
What is my purpose here...
and in its mystery within the time God has allowed,
will I find my purpose served before the last
grain of sand passes through the center of the glass.



The resurrection of a puddle.
Cool... wet... Zen.
Liquid serenity;
I know not how to praise you.
Your tap against my windowpane;
drowsy... love sick.
My mind stirs against a hush,
and the only thing keeping me from you, is the will to move.

Abandon Everything

whatever the cost, it has it's purpose
everything fleeting and wondrous
all things passing to something else
it swells
it shrinks
but it moves always towards or away from something, or someone

abandon yourself if only for a fraction of your lifetime
see it through alien eyes;
my eyes... his, or hers
remember it was new to us all once
and then it ends as swiftly as it begins
so beautiful

Abandon everything...
just once
and then you'll know what it really is to be free


With preeminent desire and need
against a wall
against me


No Words

The pictures keep moving around in my head.
They collapse so quickly. Seem unheld or unfinished.
They flutter like the wings of a moth.
I do my best to smooth them out. Lay them flat against a solid background
so that the lines of you and me, seem more defined.
The feelings belonging to the lines attach themselves, then lose their bearings, and leave smudges. Unclear traces of what they were.
I find myself stumbling down some foggy unknown, when quietly we stare into each others eyes.
I know something. I feel something. And the things I know and feel have no connection with thought.
There is something about you that takes everything from me.
No thoughts. No need. No words

Choose Fire

I'd sit, and watch all of this burn.
This foolish empire, with it's missing teeth.
A mangled carcass of a nation, loosing its soul to an invisible warlord.
I'd burn it myself, if I had enough fire...
Self discipline, order, control.
Sounds like a fucking eating disorder!
Addiction to chaos is a troublesome thing...
but it's how I like my world.
It's how I want my world to end.
And it's times like these when my hatred of all; far exceeds my
ability to reason...
when I want to crush life, that I am reminded of that undeniable truth:
I really am crazy.


What can you say to the young ones? When did you really start listening... I've been down that road and I don't want to see you take it. I want you to value yourself the way I didn't. Can you tell them to slow down, and they do? It hurts me to see you abandoning your former strengths and trading them for drugs and sex. Will they listen to you when you tell them that it's ok if they don't find their way; right away. Stop trying to live all of life at once. You're killing yourself. You're not well. You scare me... And then she says to me... "Guys ruin everything!" And sweetly I say, "No they don't. Women ruin everything because they choose men over themselves." "That's heavy." She says. "I like that." And I just think quietly to myself... but will you remember?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Forgive Me

A confession fit for a priest...
from lips more suited for a king.
And a king is what I should have; but you are not a king.
You do not have angel wings; your kiss does not come with a vampire's sting.
My wish is not for your heaven above...
My dreams don't welcome your "emotional" love.
The only thing I want from you, lives inside your pants;
"I love you... I miss you," It's just a song and dance.
Connection, is fruitless... another waist of time.
My mind was made up long ago; the way you should be mine.
I'm sorry... you want love... I hate to let you down.
It's fragile... so precious... the way you make it sound.
But your words don't touch me, and neither does your heart.
You should have listened careful to me, from the very start.
And so the door keeps spinning, because my lust is great.
My arms stay open, welcoming you; but only as a mate.
That's all I have to offer you; so shallow and self serving.
But come to think of it; when were you...
ever so deserving?