I don't remember the exact moment I knew I must separate myself from you;
I just stopped returning your calls...
You and I were just a dream. You passed some of your dreams to me through the spoken word. Side by side we dreamt of hell. Your hell and mine.
I thought your hell was all I could know. I thought that because your dream was of hell, and I only knew dreams through you; I must dream of hell.
And now I have separated from you, but nothing has changed. My dream is almost the same. I believed the dream you gave me so well, as I believed in you.
In trying to wake from this dream, I gave myself a new name. This name is what I want my dreams to be. But hell has followed me here.
It follows because it is all I know of dreams. I believed it more than I believed in God or love. Because what I learned of God and love was through your words. The same words that have cast a spell over my mind and blinded my vision with smoke.
This is a hard dream to awaken from.
It is the coma of my first life.
I stubble around in a fog, trying to find all the walls I must tear down to gain my freedom.
They are everywhere; and I built them without any windows or doors.
An endless maze of cemented walls with no entrance or exit in sight.
To find my way out I must wage a war against the parasite that dreams its hell into my mind, and feeds its body through my body.
I may never win, but a warrior is willing to fight to the death for his perceived freedom; and I will do the same.
I will search for my heaven here.
I will seek out God inside myself...
In my new dream, all of what I knew of you will be forgotten.
But I will always remember the death of you. The death of all your words and all your parasites.
I will always remember the time when I decided_____ to make Eden my new name.