Thursday, August 13, 2009

There is a truth unspoken in dreams

written: 6.15.08

To whom this is addressed,
The sun seemed to contradict itself today. It was bright enough to have a scorching affect, and yet a chill softly loomed.
Last nights dream of you came as a surprise. I've not dreamt of you since well over a year ago..; when I was still at war with myself and playing puppeteer.
It was a surprise within a surprise, because there was a jovial playfulness between us. You had come to visit me, or the other way around maybe. The rain was constant and warm. In the shadow of this contradiction of the truth between us, lingered a question: Where has all the animosity gone?
But the question lay very distant to the welcoming of your arms around me, and all the affections of an endearing friendship. Do dreams lie?
Only daydreams perhaps, but they are dreams made up.
In my life awake; I feel I may have found my match, just as you said I would, what seems like.....
Hundreds of years I've waited to hear these words, "I can find the darkest part of someone's soul just as beautiful as the lightest."
This was said to me after I confessed a fear of what I become when I get bored. I was warning him as always.
Maybe fear isn't the right word to use when I talk about what stirs in me, when I get bored.
Guilty; exhilarated is more the words to describe.
Maybe I'll kill this too, as I shatter all the fragile things;
and if I should descend into a thousand hells for calling a cease fire between two separate halves of my soul, let me be fully deserving, God...
They communicate to each other like a pair of identical twins. One understanding the other. Accepting the other. Dying without the other.
They operate as a complete and seamless form.
In my dream of us, this same unique understanding opened its eyes at me.
It reminds me that *there* is where exists the thin line between love and hate; friend and foe.
*There* is where both forces unite. They understand and accept each other without the questions or lies.
To whom this is addressed,
I never loved you in my life awake...
but in my dreams we are love and hate united. They pair for a virtue undefined.
I am still the Phoenix. I will always burn my whole world to ash to birth myself anew. I am still the puppeteer; dark and bored. You'll never know if what I say is real or an illusion.
Not in the life awake. Not ever in this life; awake.
But there is an Atlantis after all; and in deep slumberous isolation, I take you there.
I hold your hand and walk with you *there*.
You will never read this letter foe;
but in composing it alone, I am perfectly satisfied.
Happiest with the silence that preceded blissful contradiction... me;
and paradoxical as the midnight sun.
as ever,


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