Let's find a new place on the body to pierce.
Got all the parts covered that won't end you in a puddle of blood?
Let's try a vital organ next! How about one of your kidneys?
Then you can take the x-rays around, and show people how brave and unique you are.
How about your heart? Most people don't use them properly anyway.
Eventually all your organs will be made out of recyclable plastic. Use them up while they're real.
I like bold statements! Why not drive a nail through the back of your elbows.
Tattoo the hands of Jesus around them.
Everyone has there own unique stamp right? Something to help your mommy identify your body better, after they find you dead in the gutter, where I left you. I want to make you happy. I want you to be a what you want to be. Beautiful, timeless art. Something special and immortal.
Metal and holes.
August 5, 2008
Friday, September 11, 2009
Genetic Parasite
I don't remember the exact moment I knew I must separate myself from you;
I just stopped returning your calls...
You and I were just a dream. You passed some of your dreams to me through the spoken word. Side by side we dreamt of hell. Your hell and mine.
I thought your hell was all I could know. I thought that because your dream was of hell, and I only knew dreams through you; I must dream of hell.
And now I have separated from you, but nothing has changed. My dream is almost the same. I believed the dream you gave me so well, as I believed in you.
In trying to wake from this dream, I gave myself a new name. This name is what I want my dreams to be. But hell has followed me here.
It follows because it is all I know of dreams. I believed it more than I believed in God or love. Because what I learned of God and love was through your words. The same words that have cast a spell over my mind and blinded my vision with smoke.
This is a hard dream to awaken from.
It is the coma of my first life.
I stubble around in a fog, trying to find all the walls I must tear down to gain my freedom.
They are everywhere; and I built them without any windows or doors.
An endless maze of cemented walls with no entrance or exit in sight.
To find my way out I must wage a war against the parasite that dreams its hell into my mind, and feeds its body through my body.
I may never win, but a warrior is willing to fight to the death for his perceived freedom; and I will do the same.
I will search for my heaven here.
I will seek out God inside myself...
In my new dream, all of what I knew of you will be forgotten.
But I will always remember the death of you. The death of all your words and all your parasites.
I will always remember the time when I decided_____ to make Eden my new name.
2-20-09
I just stopped returning your calls...
You and I were just a dream. You passed some of your dreams to me through the spoken word. Side by side we dreamt of hell. Your hell and mine.
I thought your hell was all I could know. I thought that because your dream was of hell, and I only knew dreams through you; I must dream of hell.
And now I have separated from you, but nothing has changed. My dream is almost the same. I believed the dream you gave me so well, as I believed in you.
In trying to wake from this dream, I gave myself a new name. This name is what I want my dreams to be. But hell has followed me here.
It follows because it is all I know of dreams. I believed it more than I believed in God or love. Because what I learned of God and love was through your words. The same words that have cast a spell over my mind and blinded my vision with smoke.
This is a hard dream to awaken from.
It is the coma of my first life.
I stubble around in a fog, trying to find all the walls I must tear down to gain my freedom.
They are everywhere; and I built them without any windows or doors.
An endless maze of cemented walls with no entrance or exit in sight.
To find my way out I must wage a war against the parasite that dreams its hell into my mind, and feeds its body through my body.
I may never win, but a warrior is willing to fight to the death for his perceived freedom; and I will do the same.
I will search for my heaven here.
I will seek out God inside myself...
In my new dream, all of what I knew of you will be forgotten.
But I will always remember the death of you. The death of all your words and all your parasites.
I will always remember the time when I decided_____ to make Eden my new name.
2-20-09
Back to the Garden
There was something so pristine about that place. The planet did not have to revolve around a star.
The shorelines met the water without a sense of separation, and the people who walked naked on its beaches came; not to find God, but to be God.
In that place, I was fully awake. I didn't need others to describe their vision of who I was to me. I didn't need to defend or justify to my brothers, my right to live. I wanted to stay in the light, but the fruit was just as tempting. I wanted to know; what is God really? Is there a greater truth?
So I took a bite.... and the poison felt so good in my veins that I ate every piece of fruit I could steal from the branches. I fell to sleep under the tree, and when I woke up Paradise was gone. Everything I knew as truth had changed. I ran to the shoreline, and all I saw was a great and dark abyss. Thousands of years will pass as I sleep in this new hell. No one will have the power to wake me up, till I decide to change my birthright.
The shorelines met the water without a sense of separation, and the people who walked naked on its beaches came; not to find God, but to be God.
In that place, I was fully awake. I didn't need others to describe their vision of who I was to me. I didn't need to defend or justify to my brothers, my right to live. I wanted to stay in the light, but the fruit was just as tempting. I wanted to know; what is God really? Is there a greater truth?
So I took a bite.... and the poison felt so good in my veins that I ate every piece of fruit I could steal from the branches. I fell to sleep under the tree, and when I woke up Paradise was gone. Everything I knew as truth had changed. I ran to the shoreline, and all I saw was a great and dark abyss. Thousands of years will pass as I sleep in this new hell. No one will have the power to wake me up, till I decide to change my birthright.
You're Ridiculous
A few cells shy of mental incompetence.
"A mediocre copy of another man's genius"
I look at you with your scroll of nonsense, and call you ridiculous.
I call you ridiculous, and smile while I do it.
The street lamps dim as I pass you in uncertain recognition.
Only your smell is familiar to me, the rest of you takes the shape of every other passerby.
The sun could not recover your full image.
You are chinuit de remuscari, and should beg daily for your attrition.
You use fustian clatter to disguise your weak resolve.
All this lost time on every attempt; waisted... needful... redundant.
I look at my watch before I see you fade into darkness.
Five minutes..
the time it took me to realize you were no longer in my presence.
~May 19, 2008~
"A mediocre copy of another man's genius"
I look at you with your scroll of nonsense, and call you ridiculous.
I call you ridiculous, and smile while I do it.
The street lamps dim as I pass you in uncertain recognition.
Only your smell is familiar to me, the rest of you takes the shape of every other passerby.
The sun could not recover your full image.
You are chinuit de remuscari, and should beg daily for your attrition.
You use fustian clatter to disguise your weak resolve.
All this lost time on every attempt; waisted... needful... redundant.
I look at my watch before I see you fade into darkness.
Five minutes..
the time it took me to realize you were no longer in my presence.
~May 19, 2008~
Monday, August 24, 2009
Softly... softly
The day spills in from my shuttered window
dreary day; how I am always thinking of you
By the first light of morning I pour over my love letters to you
ones never sent
A best friend would never keep such secrets
my heart is still yours, till I can find another who will make me forget
How can I replace you
I have been in love; never as I have loved you
letting go was never the plan; I just never knew how hard I held on
Softly... I am in your arms as I always imagined it to be
how long did it take me; only in sadness and in parting with you so
Tears long delayed... always
I could lock you away in my heart, but it will kill me
it will kill us both
I pretend I call you and read you this poem;
pretend you whisper, as you always did: you are my soul
Softly... I say to you that all is forgiven
and we go on loving each other, as only we can
But I can no longer act out as a child would
I have made you up entirely, and can not recall who you really were
I have been loving a dream
softly; I will release you from my sleeping world
Softly... softly... goodbye
The day spills in from my shuttered window
dreary day; how I am always thinking of you
By the first light of morning I pour over my love letters to you
ones never sent
A best friend would never keep such secrets
my heart is still yours, till I can find another who will make me forget
How can I replace you
I have been in love; never as I have loved you
letting go was never the plan; I just never knew how hard I held on
Softly... I am in your arms as I always imagined it to be
how long did it take me; only in sadness and in parting with you so
Tears long delayed... always
I could lock you away in my heart, but it will kill me
it will kill us both
I pretend I call you and read you this poem;
pretend you whisper, as you always did: you are my soul
Softly... I say to you that all is forgiven
and we go on loving each other, as only we can
But I can no longer act out as a child would
I have made you up entirely, and can not recall who you really were
I have been loving a dream
softly; I will release you from my sleeping world
Softly... softly... goodbye
Thursday, August 20, 2009
She
I fold to my own unknowing.
Why the heart chooses,
who; it chooses.
When a look is more penetrating than a needle to my vein.
How clumsy I am made.
Nervously I sit;
try not to look so obvious...
I forget to saver the moment when I am in her arms.
It's only a hug.
She doesn't see me this way...
She doesn't catch fire every time I say something clever.
Her eyes will never trace the flesh of my body with longing.
Yet I covet her to my own detriment.
However the hours, she is present in my mind.
The days that pass between us only strengthens my desire.
The thread of seconds that stitches my heart into knots over why...
How foolish is the human heart;
that it can not tell the difference, and it can not seem to reason....
no matter how many times it breaks.
November 19, 2007
Why the heart chooses,
who; it chooses.
When a look is more penetrating than a needle to my vein.
How clumsy I am made.
Nervously I sit;
try not to look so obvious...
I forget to saver the moment when I am in her arms.
It's only a hug.
She doesn't see me this way...
She doesn't catch fire every time I say something clever.
Her eyes will never trace the flesh of my body with longing.
Yet I covet her to my own detriment.
However the hours, she is present in my mind.
The days that pass between us only strengthens my desire.
The thread of seconds that stitches my heart into knots over why...
How foolish is the human heart;
that it can not tell the difference, and it can not seem to reason....
no matter how many times it breaks.
November 19, 2007
Monday, August 17, 2009
In The Arms of Adoration
It's 5 o'clock in the morning, and his alarm goes off.
I'm already awake.
I already know the routine;
Hit snooze button at least 5 times, wake only half way and pull me close to him, drag naked body out of bed and stand motionless by the window with a vacant expression for 2 minutes...
I listen to the shower run for almost half an hour; sometimes he falls asleep standing up.
He puts his uniform on, leaving it sloppy, but clean.
And then the part of his routine I never understand....
He crawls back into bed with me, not to sleep, but to watch me.
He pulls me to him like he fears he may never see me again and whispers... "I hate leaving you."
In those precious few minutes, I feel as though I'm some kind of one and only...
He really loved me once.
I'd give all my hours, and all my lovers back; to feel again, what those few minutes made me feel with him.
I tell myself to remember that...
and if the time should ever come again that someone adores you as much as he did;
tell him not to go.
March 22, 2007
I'm already awake.
I already know the routine;
Hit snooze button at least 5 times, wake only half way and pull me close to him, drag naked body out of bed and stand motionless by the window with a vacant expression for 2 minutes...
I listen to the shower run for almost half an hour; sometimes he falls asleep standing up.
He puts his uniform on, leaving it sloppy, but clean.
And then the part of his routine I never understand....
He crawls back into bed with me, not to sleep, but to watch me.
He pulls me to him like he fears he may never see me again and whispers... "I hate leaving you."
In those precious few minutes, I feel as though I'm some kind of one and only...
He really loved me once.
I'd give all my hours, and all my lovers back; to feel again, what those few minutes made me feel with him.
I tell myself to remember that...
and if the time should ever come again that someone adores you as much as he did;
tell him not to go.
March 22, 2007
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